I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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