You're a womanizer and a bitch.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
