so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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