woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
