my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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