i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So apparently I’m into choking now
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