i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
