i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
