im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
