Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
