Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
