I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
