God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
