but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
