You're my little dorito
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
