New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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