Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
