the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
