: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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