You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
