I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
