I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
