i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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