We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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