So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
