im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
