im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize