We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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