Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
