Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
