yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
