the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize