I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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