So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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