did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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