you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
