I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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