Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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