hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
