Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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