its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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