At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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