K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
