Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
