So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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