FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
