i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
