Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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