I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
