Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
