4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
