apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
