please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
