yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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