Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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