she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
