He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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