I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
