Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
