Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
