I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
