You're earring is so big in my mouth
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
