It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
