I puked a lego.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
