somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
